4) Talking about the Fact that Legalizing Marijuana will Cure all the World's Problems

Everyone knows that stoners are pretty much the smartest and most intuitive people on earth, especially when stoned. This is because stoners, unlike non-stoners, are able to tap deep into their brains past a comfortable, self-reassuring level of thinking to assess complex problems and see simple and straightforward solutions. If only the rest of the world were as insightful, mankind could march onward toward progress, world peace, and universal happiness instead of being stuck watching reruns of Battlestar Galactica on non-HD channels after 8 hours at their corporate desk job.

Take the challenges we face today: environmental catastrophes, an international depression, and a group of well-trained and angry men and women intent on blowing up planes that, in a better world, would transport only marijuana (then, when the planes crashed, everyone within a 20 mile radius would get high instead of getting killed. See how many problems weed solves before you even smoke it?) Whereas the so-called experts cannot seem to stop debating the best “solutions” to these catastrophes, stoners have always known the true cure for all the world’s problems: the legalization of marijuana.

Legalizing weed would not only reverse the national deficit, but it would also solve every problem in the universe. Legalizing pot will eradicate all crime, cure the sick, and mellow the entire population so that everyone is in harmony with the universe.

Just close your eyes and try to imagine George Bush and Osama Bin Laden fighting over an 8th of OG Kush. Impossible. It would never happen. Do you think Benjamin Netanyahu and Yousuf Raza Gilani would care where their border is located if they were on a stoned man date to see Avatar in 3D? Of course not. Weed makes happy people, and happy people just don’t kill each other, or let others be killed. Any stoner for President in 2012.