3) Making Bongs from Random Objects

If there were a list of traits that all stoners possessed, I’d bet all the shake in my grinder that ingenuity would be trait #1. If stoners were honest, we would have broken our parents’ hearts by admitting we spent our allowance on overpriced schwag in middle school. If stoners possessed courage, we’d have beaten Doom II long before rumors of a God cheat giving you infinite ammo and the ability to walk through walls eradicated all our fears.

No, stoners admire ingenuity above all other traits. Stoners are universally recognized as possessing the potential of Zeus, Thor, and Jesus Christ rolled into one compact ball of pure cleverness. How do stoners display their feats of ingenuity? Simple: by making bongs from random objects.

The first time a stoner finds himself bong-less is always bewildering. Anger, anxiety, fear, and longing are among the many emotions a stoner goes through when they realize they left the bong at their stupid stoner friend’s house who probably isn’t even using it right now. Shortly thereafter, or maybe after 5-10 minutes depending on how stoned they are, something will click and the stoner will follow their stone-dar and reach for the fruit bowl.

The apple bong may be a staple, but it inevitably leaves a stoner unfulfilled. Not only does it render its user unable to optimize their highness, it is also a waste of a delicious apple that will transform into the most desirable apple ever within five minutes.

A stoner’s time is better spent crafting an equally simple water bong or a device that will take its user to a whole new level of awesomeness: the gravity bong. Stoners who possess an unparalleled level of stoner creativity often choose construct a cone piece bong, a toilet paper roll bong, or, if time permits, a converted gas mask bong. Rumors are that Chuck Norris smokes with nothing else.