Monday, May 24, 2010

5) Domino's



So you’re stoned out of your mind. You and your buddies are piled out on the couch, and let’s face it, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe you just returned from a huge night of partying. More likely you’ve been doing nothing but watching some random marathon about outer space and/or time travel for the past four hours. You didn’t even notice how long you’d been watching; you turned the TV on to watch the DVR’d Lost finale, got distracted, and the rest is history. But dude, how crazy is the universe? It goes on for like, ever. Imagine how many other galaxies there must be. There’s probably a planet JUST LIKE Pandora from Avatar. You’re definitely going there one day. And you’ll totally come back with like 15 new stoner alien friends. I wonder if they have facebook…

So finally you snap and realize that this intergalactic mind boner has lasted for far too long. Three words: worst munchies ever. The cold cereal you ate four hours ago definitely didn’t cut it (Fruity Pebbles man- respect). With munchies like these, you realize that it’s time for the real deal. That’s right- it’s time to call Domino’s.

True stoners know that Domino’s is Plan A for two reasons. First, it’s convenient in every single country. No matter if you’re in London, Hong Kong, Ethiopia, or Omaha Nebraska there’s a 100% guarantee that there’s a Domino’s within a one mile radius. And you’d better believe those bitches deliver.

Second, Domino’s has the best menu ever. And don’t front like their new crust isn’t the most delicious yet shamelessly deceitful minor addition of salty garlic butter spread the world has ever seen. Then there’s the thin crust, which is a great excuse to eat an entire pizza and not feel bad about it the next day. It’s an oversized cracker topped with heaven. And don’t even get a stoner started on their love for the 5-5-5 deal unless you’re prepared to listen to a monologue so beautiful and inspiring that you’ll both be in tears within minutes.

The spirit of smoking weed has a longtime history of being the spirit of sharing with others who may not be exactly like oneself. This is where Domino’s beauty truly shines. No matter your age, race, hometown, or religion, stoners of all shapes and sizes universally unite in their love for stoned Domino’s. And, more importantly, stoners of all shapes and sizes know that all Domino’s orders must include cinnastix.